Month Five

     So many things happened this month. (Obviously I'm talking about November, not this last month, because I can't get things together enough to post about one month of Abby's life once a month... cause I'm crazy, and lazy, and busy, and exhausted, you name it, I feel it). Anywhos, this month was kinda crazy.

     First things first, Abby was super sick again. So, I ended up calling the advice line and taking her down to the doctor to check it out. She said she had some congestion and gave me some antibiotics for Abby to take. She called a few days later to check in on Abby, and things were fine. But the next morning... Abby decided to explode everywhere, her diaper that is. She had so much diarrhea, which wouldn't normally have been a problem for me, except that it was getting EVERYWHERE! I couldn't control it. No matter what I did, it would get all over Abby and anything she was near to. So it meant not only cleaning her little body, but everything else around her as well. We had many trips straight to the bathtub for a cleaning rather than trying to use the little wipeys. Oi! 

     Then, my mom got married.... while Abby was still having a serious case of diarrhea, and she was to wear a super cute little dress.... in cream. Great! The whole entire wedding, my worst fear was that she would explode, even worse, that it would happen while I was carrying her down the aisle while 150 people stared at me. Thankfully those fears were not realized. Abby was a little trooper the few days leading up to the wedding as weather conditions forced the wedding inside and we all had to scramble to re-plan/design everything in a few hours. Everything turned out beautifully and we are all very glad that mom is now married to a super great guy. When we got home from the wedding Grant suggested maybe using bigger diapers for Abby..... duh! Why hadn't I thought of that! It did help with the diarrhea, to a point. She went up to a size 1-2. 

Growing:

       Oh, how you've grown little girl. You are laughing and smiling so much. It is so much fun to watch you. When we had lunch with Aunt Beeb, she was pretty impressed at your skills of putting your pacifier back in your mouth by yourself. I have to say, that's been pretty awesome for me. Now, when we're driving and you start crying, usually you just grab your pacifier on your own. I don't have to pull the car over anymore to give it to you. 

     The most impressive thing this month that you have learned to do is turn over! That's right! I will never forget Halloween day because you turned your little body over all by yourself! It just happened so quickly. I was so excited and I told your daddy as soon as I saw him that morning and he said, "oh, yeah, she did that this morning." Mommy was less that thrilled that you finally turned over and 1. Mommy missed it, and 2. Daddy witnessed it and didn't tell Mommy. I explained that if anything like that every happened again that Daddy must call Mommy right away to let her know so I can come running to your side and cheer you on! 

     It only took a few days before you were turning back over onto your back as well. I was pretty much in shock at how quickly you were learning the whole rolling over thing! The hilarious thing my dear, is that you still weren't super thrilled with being on your belly, so every time you would roll onto your belly, you would begin to whine. The length began to widen each time you turned over as you began to realize that it wasn't so awful to be on your belly, especially when you learned how to roll back over onto your back. 

Sleeping:

     I pretty much revolted against your habit of waking up several times a night to feed. I had had enough. So I asked any Mommy-Friend I could for advice about what to do. One great friend, M, suggested that I get you out of Mommy and Daddy's room and into your own room asap. I decided I would go ahead with this because I wanted to get your room cleaned out anyway, and this would give me a great reason to get my butt into gear to do it. Also, I was willing to do anything to try to get you to sleep a little longer between each feeding, and maybe we were waking you up whenever we turned over. I decided to wait until after mom's wedding to start. To begin this transition, I would put you in your own room when you went to bed, then when you woke up to eat, I would put you in the bassinet in our room for the rest of the night. At first, there wasn't really any change, but slowly it began to pay off. You were still getting up two times at night, but I think it was good to begin to transition you into your own room.

You were sleeping with your feet in the air, super cute!

Eating:

     Good news! At our four month check up with the doctor, she gave the go-ahead to begin baby cereal. Because I didn't have any on hand, and forgot to get some while down in Bako for the appointment, I didn't start you on it right away. Thankfully, Mommy's friend had a bunch and gave me some to get you started. Towards the end of the month we started you on rice cereal, and you loved it! You were pretty much upset with me because I couldn't shovel the stuff into your mouth fast enough. You were leaning into it to try and help me. Needless to say it was pretty much a disaster the first time you ate. 

     You made such a mess (you insisted on holding the spoon yourself and would then proceed to put your hand in the cereal and then everywhere else); I was starting to get frustrated at first because the only place to feed you where you would be upright was your car seat and I didn't want you to get it dirty. But then, I gave myself a reality check and remembered that this would be the only first meal you'd ever have, and messy or not, I should just enjoy this time. We could always take a bath, which we promptly did right after you were finished eating. I ended up taking all your clothes off so that you wouldn't get you clothes all messy too, and I moved you to your bouncer. In most of the pictures you look a little crazy because of the flash on the camera. (I always have a hard time capturing pictures of you for that reason). 

     You ate every 3-4 hours during the day and eat several tablespoons of rice cereal at night before bed. It didn't really make much of a difference on sleep either. You still got up every few hours to feed. 

The main picture shows Abby with her new aunties at Mom & Willie's wedding

Month Two

     Oh Abby, this month has been wonderful! Last month, things were a little hectic as you cried constantly. Thankfully, this month, things have gotten a bit better! I am able to enjoy you much more!

Family Fridays!

Sleep:
     Cousin J told me about the book she read and the schedule that they put baby A on recently and how wonderful it has been in helping them. I know that Abby is a little too young to put on a schedule, but I thought it would be better to start working towards it now, rather than wait and randomly begin new things one day. So, I started the schedule J told me about: we eat, play, and then sleep. It has actually been helping a lot! I decided to start this routine when I noticed that you were a bit more wide-eyed after you ate (you used to fall asleep right after you ate, sometimes even while you were eating). We started playing in your activity gym once you finished eating, and then once you got a little fussy, I'd wrap you up tight and rock you to sleep. Worked like a charm! You fell asleep much faster that way!

     And then a few days ago, we went to dinner at a friend's house, and I noticed that she put her son down while he was still awake (She'd swaddle him, give him his pacifier, and lay him down), and he'd magically fall to sleep on his own. Just to prove that it wouldn't work, the next day I gave it a shot with you... and it worked! What?! I was amazed. Of course, it wouldn't work twice... I just got lucky that time. So, I tried it later that day again, and it worked... again! Shocking! It has worked every time for the past few days! I am forever indebted to my friend Jacqueline for this little tidbit of wonder! I even tried it at night for our bedtime, and while you were awake for just a bit, you fell asleep without crying. This is the best thing to ever happen to me!

Growing:
     Everyone has been commenting about how amazing it is that you are able to hold your head up already. You haven't been having much tummy time yet (we're starting that now), but I think that you've strengthened those neck muscles by hanging out at mommy's shoulder. You really liked that spot during your first month... not so much anymore, but thankfully, the result is strong neck muscles. You like to look around and explore everything around you.

     You also like exploring when you are playing in your super cute activity gym. You are finally able to grasp the little birds hanging down from the gym. You hold on and shake it back and forth with your strong little fingers! It is adorable! While you play in your gym, mommy reads to you, and you seem to love it. You play for about 20 - 30 minutes and then you begin to get a little fussy and uninterested in the gym and mommy's stories; That's when we get ready for your naps or bedtime.

What to Expect:
     Mommy has been reading What to Expect The First Year, and it's definitely been a help! I was wondering how to talk to you, and how to play with you; and of course, I turn the page, and there is a whole section all about those very things. I've learned that I should read to you, so I read to you from the book (and we learn together); I've learned that I should narrate everything I do to you so you can begin to get used to language and conversation; I should talk with you and not at you (I should ask you questions and pause to let you answer, and expand upon whatever cute little noise you make. Yesterday at the grocery store, you helped mommy pick out everything at the store, you were such a big help). I also learned that I should give you your space, this was a new idea to me. I shouldn't constantly be in your face, while that is a very good thing, I should allow you to explore the world around you and become aware of and used to your own body, and how to entertain yourself. And I learned that I should sing to you... no problem... your daddy and I do that constantly already! We sing old songs to you, and we sing make-up songs about what we're doing with you, and how beautiful you are!

     Another thing I've learned is that I should imitate you. When you make cooing sounds I should make them back to you, setting a foundation for you imitating language. What's great is that this month you started making noises other than cries! It's been so great! I love it! It takes me by surprise every time you do it. You've only make the cooing sounds a few times, but it's been wonderful! I love that we're getting to the stage where you can make sounds and get my attention through noises other than crying. And of course you're usually smiling as you coo, while is all the more adorable! And, you've been smiling a whole lot more this month as well. You have such a gorgeous smile! And while those smiles tend to come mostly after you poo or spit up all over mommy, they are beginning to come at other times as well. But, even when you spit up all over me, when you smile afterwords, you melt my heart and I don't seem to care that I'm soaked in stinky spit up any longer.

Week 7 & 8

Eating:
     Speaking of spit up, you still are spitting up quite often, at least once a day, sometimes twice. There doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. Whether I burp you or not, if you're going to spit up, you're going to spit up, and that's that. Sometimes you have a big burp, and then quite some time later you spit up... while other times I don't even burp you, and you don't spit up at all. I've decided to stop trying to figure it out and not stress about it. I'm still tracking it though so I can see how often it's happening.

     You eat less often now, instead of 10-12 times a day, you average 6-8 times a day. Instead of eating almost every hour, you've moved to every 3 hours or so. And within the last few days, your schedule has changed a little more. You have started sleeping through the night, so we get up anywhere from 6-8am and eat and play and take a catnap. You tend to eat more often in the morning, every hour or so, then take a big nap in the early afternoon. Then you eat every 3 hours or so until bed time, with another good nap squeezed in there as well. You have been going to bed around 8-10 each night. (Notice how long of an uninterrupted chunk of sleep this gives mommy! Heck yes!)

     Abby, you are such a joy. Mommy and Daddy are so excited that you've begun smiling so much! We have such a blast singing and dancing with you and watching you react. You are one loved little girl! And I can't wait to see what month three brings! We love you!

   

   

   

Month One

     Welcome Baby Abby to the world!

     You were born on Tuesday, June 28th, 2011 at 7:15pm via Cesarean Section, weighing in at 7lb and 5 oz, and 19 inches long. Your head and chest were both 13 inches.

     Although your birth story was a little scary and hectic, your first month on this earth has been wonderful and such a joy! Your first two days were a little harder because mommy was also recovering from surgery. I had a hard time getting up from the hospital bed, and getting back into it. The first few steps (to the bathroom of course) weren't that bad though, I was all hopped up on drugs! When the drugs wore off, however, the pain began to set in. Therefore, those few days in the hospital were somewhat of a blur; everything was happening so quickly, and it was hard to begin to actually digest what had actually happened. Thankfully, you were such a precious little one and very patient with mommy as I was trying to deal with all the pain.

     Right after you were born, once I was finally wheeled in to the recovery room where you and daddy were, they gave you to me and put you to my breast and you immediately began to chow down; good news! There was colostrum all over your little mouth! It was a beautiful moment surrounded by family. We stayed in the recovery room for an hour or so while they got the postpartum room ready for us. They gave you your first bath, and your family took turns coming in to see you. But mostly that hour was spent staring at you and taking in your beauty!

     We finally got to our postpartum room and we got situated for the night, and we tried breast feeding again before we went to bed. It was a late night as all your family was there to visit you and meet you for the first time. We were up every few hours or so to eat. But for the most part, we had to set an alarm, and daddy had to wake up and bring you to me so you could eat b/c you did not wake up on your own to eat. Good little sleeper! The first night was a little hard and tiring as the nurses continued coming in and waking us up to take our blood pressure and check our heart rates. The doctor even came in at 2:30am to check on me and give me my instructions. Needless to say, mommy didn't get much sleep that night.

     The next day was spent lounging around the ridiculously small room that was super hot (I think the AC was broken). We had more visitors, and all agreed that you were just the most beautiful baby!

     There was only one problem... you wouldn't pee. You pooped and pooped, but you refused to pee. The nurses gave you a 24 hour limit, but they didn't say what would happen if you didn't pee within those 24 hours. 24 hours came and went, and you still hadn't peed. The pediatrician came in to visit you and checked you out to see if there was a problem. They decided to give you 36 hours instead and hope that you would relieve yourself by then. I had been cleared to leave the hospital the next day, but the pediatrician said that if you had not peed by then, that you would have to stay. We talked about the options of what would happen if you ended up staying, I didn't like any of them.

     Later that evening, as daddy was holding you (you spent most of your time cuddling in daddy's arms in the hospital), he said he thought you might have just peed. He got up to change your diaper and thankfully, you did! You peed! I immediately started crying; I didn't realize how stressed I was about your pee! I had been so calm, but I guess inside I was beginning to really worry that we would have to leave you behind at the hospital, and that thought was very terrifying! I was so happy that you were perfectly fine and didn't have any problems! Who knew one could be so excited about pee?! Mommy and daddy did a dance of excitement!

     We were all able to go home the next day at 3pm together as a family. We went to your grandparents house for the night b/c you had your first doctor's appt the next morning. You other grandma came over, as well as your aunt C and uncle D, and we all held you and fell more in love with you as the minutes passed. You were so quiet and peaceful.

     The next morning we went to your appt at 10:30am. That was the first time we experienced trying to get out of the house with you; my goodness, what a feat! Forget about getting yourself ready, there's no time anymore, it's all about baby; it's okay though, you're precious enough! I was a little worried because although you had peed at the hospital the day before, you had yet to relieve yourself again. However, right when we undressed you to put you on the scale in the office, you decided that was prime time to show your skills! You peed all over daddy as he was holding you. Whoops! Thankfully the very nice nurse cleaned up your mess.

     You weighed in at 6lb and 15 oz and 20 inches long. And we had a great discussion with your pediatrician.

     Once home, Nomi Sarah came up to help mommy and daddy for the first week. She helped out so much by cleaning around the house, making sure that we were all fed, and holding/playing with you. We watched together as the trial of Casey Anthony progressed and the verdict was read, it was quite surreal. Everything was going smoothly until.... that night.

     Monday night you decided that nothing would do... you just wanted to scream and scream and scream at the top of your lungs. It really scared mommy. No matter what we did, nothing worked. You just screamed. I was so worried that something was wrong, or you wanted something but I just couldn't figure it out. You screamed the entire evening, for several hours. And the next night produced the same thing: cries. Nomi Sarah took you to the back room to hold you and let you cry, while I sat in the living room with daddy and cried on his shoulder.

     I was worried that you might have colic. I read and read and researched, but I decided that you didn't have colic because eventually, after those first two weeks, I was able to find certain positions to hold you in that would calm you down. That was very relieving! We think that it was just gas; we got you gas medicine as quickly as possible, and that seemed to help!

     You are such a good sleeper. I have to set my alarm each night in order to get up to feed you, b/c you do not get up on your own (for the most part). We get up every 4 hours to feed, and change your diaper, before you drift back off to sleep! During the day you eat every 2 hours or so, and sleep the rest of the time.

     You have no problem peeing now! You pee all the time... although there's only one problem... you prefer to pee when you don't have a diaper on... you like to pee right when we take your diaper off. You then proceed to pee all over the changing table... we can't get a diaper on you fast enough. So no changing table cover for now, no need, it would just get soaked every time we changed you!

     We took you to your next appt with your pediatrician when you were one month old. You weighed in at 8lb and 6oz and you were 21.75 inches long. Your umbilical stump had fallen off after 3 weeks, but there was a little piece still intact on your belly button that would just not fall off. It kept bleeding every time it was nicked by your diaper or clothes. Thankfully, right as we took off your clothes at the appt, it fell off! Yah! You peed on the scale again, thankfully you waited until you were actually on the scale this time, rather that pee in mid air. We talked to your doctor about your crying, and she gave us some tips. We also discussed how much you were spitting up, A LOT! You weren't just spitting up a little here and there, you were having gushes of regurgitated milk flowing from your mouth after most feedings. But she seemed to not be too worried about it, so I also try not to worry about it as well.

     After the first three weeks, you began to calm down again to your peaceful little self. You still would cry a lot, but mommy could find ways to calm and sooth your little tears. Although you spent most of your time in the hospital with daddy for the first few days, you quickly began to cling to mommy and prefer me when it's time to go to sleep. Daddy was very willing to hold you and love on you, but you wouldn't have any of it. You  cried until mommy finally came to get you and rock you to your slumber. I'm hoping that changes at some point, so that I can get some cleaning done or even take a shower during that time... trust me... you want a showered mommy, considering how close we have to be all the time!

     Thank you Abby for a beautiful first month. We are trying to treasure each moment with you, knowing that these times will be but a memory soon. You should know that your mommy and daddy love you very much, and that your daddy was such a wonderful helper for mommy and you when you were born. He did pretty much everything for us since I couldn't get up and get around myself. It is amazing to experience falling in love with someone all over again... especially since it comes at a time when there is a new addition to the family, and your love grows for another. It's beautiful to know that your heart still has room to grow in love for your original love as well.

     Happy one month Abby, we love you!

Change Stinks!

     A few things have happened this week that have freaked me out a bit!

1) While at the store buying milk, I noticed that the Best By date was the 22nd of June... therefore, technically (if Abby were to come on her actual due-date, which is unlikely), I could be drinking from the same gallon of milk after she arrives, and it'd be good still!

2) I asked G when he was going to weigh in again, and he said that he can't weigh in for another 4 weeks , which means that we won't know how much he's lost so far until Abby has DEFINITELY arrived!

3) One of the other pastor's mentioned that he wouldn't see us again until next month, when we would be parents... he used the words Father and Mother... and I flipped!


     This of course has really got me thinking this week... am I seriously ready for all this? I mean, being pregnant has meant a few changes in our lives so far... but really, not that much. Things have pretty much stayed the same, besides worrying about my health and what I'm eating, etc etc. But now, anywhere from tomorrow to 3 weeks from now, my whole entire life is going to be changing, and it won't just be what food I'm eating that will change. It will be EVERYTHING!

• Sleep.... my beloved sleep... it will be interrupted by a beautiful baby
• My body will continue to change, some parts will grow and do weird things, while others will fight to hang on no matter what I do to rid myself of it.
• My sanity... I will constantly worry about this little tiny human that grew within me. I will critique and question myself over every tiny little thing I do to/with/for her. 
• My schedule... or rather: what schedule?! A schedule will cease to exist  as her needs are pretty much on demand for the first few months, until we can figure out a routine that works for her. This means that those first few months are pretty much going to be craziness as I attempt to make plans and have to cancel them b/c Abby's schedule will be so unpredictable at any given time. I have a feeling that simply trying to get to the store to get food will be a difficulty! What once was easy, will now become a huge ordeal to accomplish and demand a lot of planning and preparation to execute.
• My marriage. G and I will have to figure out how to make time for each other and still maintain this relationship while also including this new addition to our family... we're not longer a family or two; it's three in this pod now! I have a feeling this will be the hardest, yet most important part that we'll have to adjust and pay attention to. 

     These are of course just a few things, but many of the other things are able to be filed somewhere beneath these few examples. Point is... my life is about to change. Does anyone truly get just how much their lives are about to change right before they have a baby? I can't imagine they could. Knowing change is imminent, and experiencing that change are two completely different things. I have a feeling that no matter how much people try to impress upon someone just how much things will change, that someone will still have no clue until they actually go through those changes. 

     I'm really excited about this new adventure in my life, but I'm also just so aware that this new adventure will require so many changes and adaptations that it's beginning to really freak me out as we draw closer to this time where we don't just talk about how things will change, but where they actually are changing. It's scary. I'm scared. I admit it. I'm scared not only b/c I've never really been around newborns, and I'm not really sure what to do with something so helpless and dependent upon me; but I'm also scared for selfish reasons. My schedule, and my sleep, and my time will no longer be mine. That will be the biggest adjustment.... accepting this. These feelings don't mean I don't love my baby, it just means that I am trying to cope with the loss of this other side of me. 

     But really, when I think about it... what am I losing? My selfishness, my laziness, my poor productivity level... I think I can stand to lose those things... they're not exactly my best attributes! 

     And I lose those to gain what? A beautiful baby that God has gifted G and I with; that God has allowed my body to miraculously create. A tiny human that God has entrusted to us to raise, train, discipline, encourage, teach, inspire, and love; to pour ourselves into. 

     It will take some getting used to this new schedule that's not all about me... but I think the trade off is going to be worth it, and pretty incredible! 

Week 38

38 weeks... also put... 2 weeks to go... yikes!

Am I ready for all this?
I'm not so sure.
But, "no back-sies" as my good friend S would say!

TheBump says that Abby's head could be covered in an inch or so of hair...
hmmmm I had a full head of black hair when I was born... Grant was bald...
I wonder what Abby's beautiful head will look like; hair or no hair?!


Monday:

• I went and pampered myself on Monday, with my mom, MIL, and Sisters-in-law. We went and got pedicure's... it was so lovely! And we all went to the Bucks after for some yummy coffee and a great chat! I love spending time with them all together like that!
• I went on the hospital tour at San Joaquin with my mother. It was wonderful. I felt like such a little smarty-pants though; which made me feel great, but I'm sure irritated the other's to no end. Although my mom prefers to say that all those other people probably had all the same questions and were just afraid to ask, so they were probably thankful that I asked them; which could also be true. But based on the looks on other people's faces, many probably had no clue what I was talking about... which made me feel good. It made me realize that I HAVE learned a lot about the labor and delivery process that many other people don't take the time to do. It made me feel confident about my knowledge and encouraged that it will all be okay; that the things I have learned have definitely given me an up, and I feel really good. There were many questions I had b/c of the natural route I'm choosing to go, and I was really worried that I'd come into a lot of problems. But, upon asking the nurses' they all seemed really positive about some of my requests. I know I won't get everything I want, but they also seemed really positive about some things based on my particular case, and the fact that I have had a really smooth, problem-free pregnancy so far. So, while I may not get everything I desire at the time of delivery, at least it was not shot down right away, it might be an option, and that is enough!
• I went shopping for the items for my hospital bag this week. I had a lot of fun doing that. I'll have a post coming soon all about the hospital bag, and everyone can recommend items to me that I might have left out at that point.

What the Nurse had to say:
     Well, again, the Nurse didn't have much to say on Friday; that was officially my shortest appt to date. I was in and out within 30 minutes! I gained 2 more pounds, which puts me at 17 pounds of total weight gain. My blood pressure and urine were both good. My belly is measuring right on still; Abby's heartbeat is still great: about 149-150. And that was about it. I elected for no vaginal exam again... if I have a choice, the answer is NO! That business hurt last time she did an exam. And quite frankly, from everything I'm learning in my classes and books, there's not much that the exam will tell me. Yeah, it will tell me if I've begun dilating, how much effaced I am, if at all; but it won't tell me when I'll likely go into labor based on that information. Abby's going to come when she comes; people can be dilated at 3 for several weeks before going into labor. And every exam is just another risk of infection; no thank you.
     Lastly, she said that I did NOT have the look, still.... so she bets she'll be seeing me next week. Again, there's nothing scientific about it, but it's fun. People continue to be shocked when I tell them I only have 2 weeks left, b/c I look too energetic and happy still! hahaha! I guess I'm just content being pregnant! Everything has gone so smoothly so far, and been great!


Me:

• Heartburn still an issue, boo. Pepcid Complete chewable tablets are my best friend every night. I have to restrain myself throughout the day and not eat the whole bottle. 
• I am having this really irritating pain below my chest, high on my belly. I think it's just my bra pushing into my belly as it grows. It's super painful, and it's getting to the point where it's hurting even when I'm not wearing a bra. That will be one great thing about not being pregnant anymore, hopefully that pain will go away as my belly begins to slim down. 
• I haven't really gotten very many leg cramps this week, which is nice. Those aren't really too bad since they come and go within 5 seconds, there's not much time to feel the pain. 
• The swelling in my feet has been under control! They're still a bit on the puffy side, but they are not as bad as they were previously. G has been making fun of me with how much water I've been drinking. I was going down to Bako a lot last week, so I stopped and got the 44oz cup at the gas station full of ice water for my ride home. Upon returning home, I'd just refill it (I like drinking through the straw), and then refill it again. I just thought I was doing a great job drinking water... until G mentioned that I'm overdoing it.... so I added up the ounces.... yeah 132... wow! That IS a lot of water for one day! ahahaha. But it's so much easier to just sip on with the straw. So I've been drinking at least two of the 44 oz a day. Which is nice, b/c I always felt like I wasn't drinking enough water, so I would never drink my beloved milk... but now I can drink milk all night guilt free b/c I've had my water for the day!

Progress:

Dangerous Mind

**I wrote this back in March**

     On Saturday, after our Bradley Class, we stayed a little while longer in Bako to have lunch and visit a sweet lady from our church that is in a rehab facility.

     As I'm sitting there visiting my sweet Mrs. B, holding her hand (she has a soft death grip, and she won't let you go, it's really cute) and talking with her about her week, I realize that one day, that will be me. Mrs. B fell and broke her hip (this happened a few weeks after we celebrated her best friend P's life when she passed away), and is now having a hard time seeing and cannot watch TV to pass the time in the facility, nor read the bible, which crushes her. Therefore, she passes the time just waiting... waiting until someone might come visit her, and when someone does, she proceeds to light up! She is the most gracious and precious person ever, and I don't know how she is able to handle all of this by herself (her twin sister died a year or two after her second husband passed). Mrs. B's children live out of town, and therefore cannot be here all the time, and while I can tell that it crushes her, she handles it like the most sophisticated of ladies, and would never let you know that.

     It makes my life flash before my eyes in a way. Especially now that I'm pregnant. I think about how this next chapter in my life is beginning, and all the sudden, I see the rest of my life running away from me and I'm unable to grab it and make it stop so I can enjoy it and actually take part in it. I begin to feel like I'm just a robot that goes through the motions, and how I waste so much time on meaningless frivolities rather than take the time to enjoy my life, and be an active participant. I almost feel helpless, that time will pass no matter what I do, and I begin to feel so discouraged and sad.

     I remember when I was a child, I would sometimes go through this as well. I would have a simple thought, sometimes, an exciting thought, such as: One day, I will graduate from high school and go to college. This is a great thought, but it inevitably leads to the next: One day, I will meet someone and decide that I cannot live my life without him, and I will get married. Then, of course: One day, this man and I, we will be so in love, and show our love to each other and the rest of the world by creating a tiny beautiful human that we will pour ourselves into; and then another, and then another.

     These are all beautiful thoughts, nothing sad about them... but of course, they don't end there...

     One day, our loves will grow up, and find someone that they feel they cannot live their lives without, and then they will get married, and then the next and then the next.
     One day, our once tiny loves will have their own tiny beautiful loves.
     One day, my love and I will be old, and we will perish, leaving behind our legacy of loves.

     And that is the thought that haunts me. That makes me feel time is moving so rapidly, that I must do something to slow it down. And somewhere in between these One Day's, our parents will pass, and how will we deal with that reality, and how will we teach our grandchildren about our beloved parents, and where they came from.

     See how it becomes dangerous for me to use my mind and think? It makes me laugh to think that I do this to myself, rather than just dwell in the moment and enjoy where I'm at now. Which I do, I do enjoy where I'm at now, it is just hard sometimes for my brain to stop it's overactive thinking and it begins to trail off to these dark places.

     Am I alone?

 

Week 36

4 weeks left.... yikes!
So much to do, and only 4 weeks left.
And that's not even a promise.
I could go before that... or... I could go after that.
But just knowing I could go in 3 weeks or 2 weeks really freaks me out.
I'm counting on that 4 weeks so that I can have some time to get things before Abby joins us.

     Grant and I have all these things we'd like to do that we are hoping will fit nice and neatly into baby Abby's arrival. Therefore, we pray to God that it all works out nicely and we can accomplish all that we want to.
     And then.... God laughs!
     And yet... I still pray!

What the Nurse had to say:
     Baby Abby is still the size of a Honeydew. TheBump says that her liver and kidneys are complete, and we're just waiting for her lungs to fully develop now. Baby is beginning to move down now, which was confirmed  at my Nurse's appt. on Friday morning before I left for the Ministers' Wives Retreat. She checked me and I was shocked to find out just how low Abby actually was. However, she couldn't find my cervix no matter how hard she tried, and said that nothing's happening yet (this was encouraging considering I was about to leave home for the weekend). I measured at 37 this time (33 at my last appt.), and didn't gain any weight! wahoo! (I cannot, however, say that the weight gain is still a zero after this weekend... they spoiled us rotten with food, and I loved every minute of it!).

     What was amazing was that I got to see Abby again during the Ultrasound to check for positioning. Her head is definitely down, and very low. When I saw her head, it looked so huge! What was once a tiny little bean of a body, is now a giant head filling the screen! It's incredible that these beings grow inside of us! Her head was wriggling all around. I got to see her heart beating again, and the nurse was very pleased with her heart rate.

     Fit Pregnancy tells me that the change in pressure of Abby moving lower can cause shooting pains in the groin and leg. This made me feel so much better when I read this, b/c of course halfway to Jenness this weekend, I get a cramp like pain in my thigh and I freak just a bit b/c I have no clue what it is. I got it a few more times this weekend, as I was walking the stairs, or just walking around, and again on the way home. It only lasted 2 or 3 seconds and wasn't agonizing pain, just foreign and confusing. Reading this bit of information from Fit Pregnancy really helped me quiet those concerns.

Ministers' Wives Retreat
     The Ministers' Wives Retreat was such a blessing this weekend. I am super thrilled that I went. I met so many new women that I am excited to continue friendships with. I met young women that are beginning their journey just like me, and I met older women that have been through this experience for the past 30 or more years that have so much knowledge I can glean. While the schedule was packed, I still felt like I had time to relax b/c it was such a calm and lovely time. They fed us like nobody's business! Holy cow! I can't even begin to describe the wonderfulness that I ate, I did not hold back!

     One thing that was very beneficial to me this weekend was going to a seminar about parenting in the pastor's home. It was exactly what I was looking for, and needed. I frantically wrote down as many notes as I could and probably didn't get it all. The leader spoke about being a mother and wife of a pastor and how to raise your children in such a way as to lead them into a true and honest relationship with the Lord. I cannot wait to begin implementing some of the wonderful ideas and suggestions she had.

     Here are some pictures of the weekend:

The very odd out-house I desperately used on the way up.
You can't even get the full effect from this pic. 

Me, Yvonne, Karen, MIL Carol, SIL Carolyn
Yvonne and Karen are friends of Carol's from when they all started going to the retreat 30 yrs ago.

Super cute Future Camper shirt

Me, Noemy, and Carolyn
Noemy is Jake Wheeler's wife, she was in the worship band
she can play the violin like nobody's business!

Me and the Family

Carmen Whittaker (Fermin's wife), and Chaundel Holladay
Chaundel was our wonderful speaker for the weekend,
and also happens to be Rick Warren's sister

Yvonne and Carol

Me, Janine, and Carolyn
New best friend! 

The other Preggo's this weekend:
Hannah (16 wks), Hayley (18 wks), Karla (19 wks), Me (36 wks)
I told them all they are my new best friends, whether they like it or not! 

     Because I was at the retreat this weekend, I completely forgot to take my traditional weekly photos. Instead, I just cropped some pictures that I was in and mashed them together for a collage this week. You get the idea though. The pictures aren't superb b/c my camera died and I didn't have time to charge it before I left, so everything was taken on my phone, and everyone was finding it difficult to get the stupid thing to cooperate correctly. Sad day.

     And for your viewing pleasure... the skit that Carol, Carolyn, and I did for Improv night. Hope it turns out alright. Again, it was filmed through my camera. Also, please excuse the gum chewing from the filmer... poor girl.

Week 31

Week 31, wow!
The Bump says that my baby girl is going through brain and nerve development now, that her irises are beginning to react to light now, and that her five senses are in working order!

     I'm starting to get slightly freaked out now.
     The time has come where it's really getting closer now, and the reality is starting to sink in... we are taking a child home after this. At my doctor's appt on Thursday, the nurse said that my appt.s will all be 2 weeks apart now, instead of a month, then they'll be one week apart, and then, I'll be a mommy.... this freaked me out... my eyes got really big and I smiled really big, trying to overcompensate for the freak-out party my insides were having!
     This sting of reality is probably also due to the fact that G's cousin, J, just had her baby last Saturday. I've been looking at all of her precious pictures of baby A, he's so adorable! But he's so tiny, usually I don't end up seeing babies until they're several weeks old, and they've gained some weight and length. But I'm seeing him right after birth, and how teensy he is, wow! Seeing pictures and updates of them after returning home and settling back into normal life is really starting to trigger the reality in my mind of just how much our lives are about to change.
  

     This Thursday was my doctor's appt. It went well. The nurse told me that my stomach was measuring right on target, she found Abby's heartbeat right away and it sounded great, she said that Abby was one active girl based on the kick counts I've been tracking (always either 10 or 20 minutes). I gained 4 pounds this month, which puts my total at 11 pounds. The nurse seems to be okay with this (I know it's not much compared to others, but she said she wanted my total weight gain to be from 11-15 pounds). I have 4 more alloted pounds to gain within the next 9 weeks. Ha! I better stop giving in to the yummy food around me... like the delicious McNally burger and fries I had for lunch today at their burger shack! O dear was it good! Anyways, based on my 3rd trimester tests, I do NOT have gestational diabetes, but I am a little anemic, so she is having me take iron pills every day now.


     My shower is this weekend: I am so excited! Some fun things I ordered for it came in this week, and I can't wait to use them at the shower.... for those of you coming, here's a sneak peak!

Sweet Lulu

     The first picture is what I saw upon opening the box... not just plain peanuts for these folks, no way! Cutesy little crimped paper... adorable! I got some fun striped straws, fun goody bags for the dessert/candy table, and of course some cute cupcake papers for the delicious cupcakes to come! Can't wait!

  
This week:
     Well, things are starting to get a bit more uncomfortable now. Getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is just down right frustrating! My body is not used to walking and bending after being straight and resting for so long. If I sit for too long and get up, the area underneath my belly is SO not happy about it! I've been trying to chug the water like crazy, and I think that the swelling in my foot has gone down slightly, I think they're still a little swollen, but it's not as noticeable as before. I still get heartburn pretty regularly every night, and sometimes throughout the day. It's pretty mild though, so it's nothing that is really upsetting. One thing that has been pretty noticeable now: when I have to pee... I HAVE to pee! If I wait too long b/c I'm out and about, or in the middle of subbing a class, the walk to the bathroom is pretty painful. I'm huffing and puffing my way there! I'm sure it's an attractive sight!


Progress:

Side note: Thank you husband for snapping the side shot while my mouth was in the midst of talking to you. It made for a very attractive picture!

ps. I'm wearing my $10 steal Jean Leggings from Old Navy that I got this week! Score! I refuse to call them Jeggings though... I'll stick with Jean Leggings, it makes me feel better about myself!

Confessions of a Lazy Human

     I had a revelation several weeks ago: I have become an internet junkie rather than a TV junkie. I never thought this would happen... ever! I grew up watching TV, I was obsessed with TV. I had my 2-3 shows that I would watch each night of the week, and I would freak if I missed any of them, thank goodness for the invention of the DVR, b/c I used to tape everything I would miss, and that was a pain. Buffy, Angel, Dawson's, Felicity, Heroes, Friends, Biggest Loser, you name it, I watched it. The previous list is quite meager. I won't bore you with the whole list, mostly b/c I can't for the life of me remember all of them either.

     I remember the day I was in the library, surrounded by fellow academics, and I was talking on the phone with The Future Husband, and he mentioned how we would probably not have TV (cable) once we married in the summer. I about had a fit in the stacks. I was trying to hold it together and not bust out blubbering like a pitiful 15 yr old who just got denied by a boy. However, once we married, that whole TV thing never panned out. Last year however, The Husband started bringing the idea back, suggesting we get rid of the cable. I would scream and cry right there whenever it was mentioned. There was just no possible way that I could do without Project Runway, Top Chef, Chuck, etc.

     *Disclaimer: My husband didn't want to get rid of the TV, just the cable. We would still have the TV to watch movies (and more importantly, for him to play his Xbox).

     But something happened recently, that I cannot explain. For someone who is so completely obsessed with TV, I have not really cared about it for the past year. And here's the even bigger revelation: It's been quite nice actually. I never thought I'd ever admit to that. The Husband has always been the internet guru, he could and does spend hours upon hours on the internet each day just searching around. I like it, I use it, I find it useful, but I never was entertained by just hitting the search button and being taken to random sites.

     However, I think getting pregnant has kinda changed things. I started searching ideas for showers, and nurseries, and I was getting sent website suggestions from my good friend H, who is the queen of awesome finds on the internet, and I just got hooked! I can't wait to get onto the internet when I wake up in the morning, the second I get home from work or church, and I could spend the rest of the evening in front of the computer now.

     One thing I find interesting about this, one would think that this has just transferred my laziness from one object to another. However, I have actually found, here's revelation number three, that it is making me more motivated than I've ever been before. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a lazy person, and I will always have good intentions that are never met, but reading all these blogs of other mother's and what their days look like is actually quite motivating. It is making me want to be the perfect mom.

     This week I have gotten the dishes done quickly, which is the worst chore for me, I HATE dishes! I've done several loads of laundry, which I also loathe. Today, instead of just shoving my groceries into the fridge as I usually do, I decided to clean out all the outdated/moldy items, whereupon I discovered some nasty spills and messes in the fridge, and then, instead of leaving them, I actually cleaned the fridge.... I took a rag and cleaned the fridge, I have NEVER done that before. I don't know what came over me. Now my fridge looks so pretty with all my new, fresh, unmoldy food. And I love it. I feel like I've accomplished so much.

     This is great news for me, b/c I have always wanted to be a mother, but I've always been severely worried b/c I recognize that I am an extremely lazy and selfish person. And I know you can't be lazy and selfish in order to be a good parent, so I usually fear for my poor children's future. This new turn gives me hope.

     *Update: The Husband ended up not getting rid of cable, and I'm actually the one who has suggested maybe getting rid of it to save money once Abigail gets here, and he's the one who said no to that. WHAT?! Crazy! I know! I'm sure I'd be fine without it, it'd be an adjustment, but I'd get used to it. But in all honesty, I'm glad I won't have to miss out on You're Cut Off on Monday nights.

     Were there any obstacles you had to overcome when you became a parent, or are there any you are trying to overcome right now?